Yearnings of a Blue Flower
by Uncle.Dragon
Summary: This is the future of a young woman, who dreamed for someone to rescue herself from the truth.


Today was special, even though she barely acknowledged it.

Many people would pause at various points of the Palace during the day to give her best wishes.

She would simply smile and thank them, but her acknowledgement of their existence stopped there.

She would walk home, Dr. Stylish tagging along behind her, talking animatedly (and perhaps a bit absentmindedly) about something regarding his test subjects and women at lunch. She ignored him for the most part, but lets him talk. After all, she lost something precious that day, and doesn't look like a fellow monster like Stylish would even understand.

Later on during the evening, everyone gathered at the Jaeger Dorms. Bors, Ran, Kurome and Wave, Stylish, Seryu and Koro, even the mighty Great General Budou himself dropped in for the occasion. They were all there to celebrate the birthday of the mighty Esdese. She smiled as they gave a unified cheer for her. Esdese appreciated it, really, she did. But in her heart she knew it wasn't enough.

She forwent dinner that night, telling her concerned subordinates that she wasn't feeling well enough to eat. She laid face-up on her bed, staring absently at the ceiling. Somewhere around nine, she heard the Jaegers shuffling to their respective rooms. Esdese waited for an hour after that, to ensure everyone is asleep. Slipping off the warm sheets silently, she carefully grabbed a collar, still attached to a long metal chain, from beneath her pillow. Esdese cradled it against her voluptuous cleavage, as if it was a precious artifact she didn't want to ruin.

* * *

><p>Swift and silent like the murderess she had been trained herself to be, Esdese slipped out of her bedroom and strolled downstairs into the dark kitchen. It was the weekend, so she felt no need to rush. Gently, she placed the metallic collar on one side of the small dining table that was reserved for private use separate from the main dining table. Esdese smiled, almost shyly at the collar, then turned to busy herself with the kitchen, careful of making too much noise lest any of her own subordinates is not as deep in sleep as she thought. Gingerly but efficiently, she laid out the ingredients for Okonomiyaki: a dish originating from Wave's hometown. It would be a special kind she'd make herself on this specific day. Esdese worked for a few minutes, mixing and adding as needed. Apart from the sounds of her bustling, the smaller kitchen was silent, almost deafening. Esdese smiled suddenly, as if reacting to something funny.<p>

"No, silly, you can't have any. This is mine."

Esdese is talking to herself.

"Oh, don't make that face. I have something for you too. I'm not that much of a glutton."

The silence is all that prevailed, but still Esdese smiled, this time lovingly.

"Yes, yes, of course." she replied somewhat jokingly, as if her silent conversational partner had said something unbelievable.

After a few minutes of more silence, her Okonomiyaki was done and on a plate. Giving it a chance to cool, she rummaged briefly through a cabinet Bors uses, producing a packaged piece of vanilla cake, complete with a small strawberry on top.

Carefully, she carried both the slice of cake, her Okonomiyaki and the required utensils to the small table. Esdese placed the cake slice, on a plate, in front of the collar before sitting at the other side. "It's not of Honest's kind, unfortunately. And I didn't have time to make one myself. But store bought cake is just as good! Try it, you'll like it. No fork? Because I figured you wouldn't want one… unless you wanted me to get you one?" She looked expectantly at the chain and collar.

A few moments passed before Esdese nodded as if she had received an answer. She then began eating her special food slowly, with small bites. Briefly, she glanced up and then smiled at the chain and collar, "See? I told you it was good! Still, I'll try next time to make a homemade cake in time. That way you'll have lots of it to eat whenever you want!"

The slice of cake was still there, untouched.

She continued to eat but then stopped briefly as if she had just been spoken to. "Work?" she asked, chewing slowly, "It's ok. Same as ever, really. Boring people, boring executions… Stylish talks a lot on our walks home. I think he's just lonely without Night Raid and Honest. Sometimes he looks all distant and occasionally looks at me like he pities me. I don't understand why…"

More eating.

"Huh?" Esdese looked slightly surprised, "Me? I'm not lonely. You're here with my Jaegers, so why would I be?"

Esdese smiled, a slightly broken one this time.

She slowly continued eating the crispy meal, chatting randomly to the collar and untouched vanilla cake until she was down to one last bite. Esdese smiled a broken, sad smile at the two objects before lifting her spoon with the last piece of her meal.

"Happy birthday, Esdese."

Esdese smiled again, brokenly happy.

"You're so sweet, **Tatsumi**."

And she ate the last piece of Okonomiyaki.

Silent now, she got up and washed the dishes quickly (the cake is still fresh, so she decided to stuff it in the fridge where Seryu or Kurome can easily find), then went back and retrieved the Esdese, clutching it tightly over her heart as she retreated to the silent confines of her lonely bedroom, twin streams of liquid crystal making their way down her cheeks.

* * *

><p><em>"-This confirms my suspicion that Demon's Extract is evolving; and Esdese is finally losing her sanity because of this." General Budou announced to the various members of the Jaegers, all assembled outside the dining area and had just looked through the window, "Honest is dead, the young Emperor is finally bringing Teito back to the right track. Diplomatic relations with all Tribes are going on smoothly; along with the repair works on the damage done by Night Raid, Wild Hunt and the accursed Prime Minister..."<em>

_"...but now ...whether Esdese will prove herself to be a liability or a much more valued asset than she is before, would have to depend on all of you youngsters." Budou adds in an authoritative tone, "She recovers, Teito will have a much more powerful Teigu user protecting the Empire. She goes insane, I will have to put her down regardless of your opinion."_

_"The key," Budou continued on grimly, "...is the Night Raid assassin boy named Tatsumi. I want all of you here to swear with your life, that you don't be an oblivious retard and point out the obvious. Esdese believes that the boy is still alive; in her collar, so I do not want anybody stupid enough to tell her 'your boy is dead; you killed him' right in her face. Do I make myself clear?"_

_Kurome nibbles on her daily dosage of medicine, with her usual blank face._

_Seryu looked at Koro with such worrisome eyes, unable to stomach such an horrendous sight._

_Even Dr. Stylish looked grim, worrying about Esdese as a fellow 'woman' perhaps?_

_Bors furrowed his eyebrows behind his Incineration Squad mask._

_Wave and Ran both looked at Budou with a stressful frown, mentally preparing themselves for a huge outcome impacting their lives._

_"Well ladies and gentlemen, can I have your answer?" Budou barked his command the Jaegers, while also struggling to lower down his volume, as he pitied Esdese as an unfortunate fellow soldier._

_The Jaegers lifted their heads up to the massive man in black armor._

_"You have our word sir." all the Jaegers replied in unison with Koro's squeaks mixed in..._

_...except Kurome who choked on her drugged cookie._


End file.
